Silly Car Shenanigans
You know what I hate?
The "Check Engine" light in my car.
It never comes on when I need it. This is true for every car I have ever owned over the course of my life. My alternator dies! Does the "Check Engine" light come on before my car stops moving, on the middle of a strange highway, in a strange state, at night, in the rain? NO! My water pump ceases pumping! Does the "Check Engine" light see fit to alert me before I do lasting damage to my vehicle? NO!! My carburetor collapses into a singularity, sucking in all matter and energy within its event horizon in the process! Does the "Check Engine" light so much as flicker? NO!!!
And now, once again, my car-- a brand world-renowned for its reliability-- suddenly ceased running while traveling along a US highway at 60 miles per hour. Does the "Check Engine" light see fit to warn me that my engine (you know, that "Engine" thing, as in "Check Engine"?) was about to stop dead, before stranding us in the middle of rural Kentucky, well outside the AAA free-towing radius from our home?
Do I really have to tell you?
Fortunately, Billy the AAA Tow Truck Guy who came to our rescue was a knowledgeable resident of the area, and he towed us to an auto parts store with a mechanic who he assured us would fix us up quickly and at a fair price. Then he kindly dropped us off at a small local airport where we were able to rent a car and carry on our merry way without delaying our arrival at our destination by so much as an hour! It worked out really well, our trip was great, and we had a wonderful time, aided in no small part by the warm and fuzzy afterglow from the great luck and great kindnesses we experienced during our automotive mishap.
Sure enough, Dave the Auto Shop Guy was swift at the repair, and the cost was low enough to make our budget-crunched wallets do a little wallet dance around the store. We were on our way home, without going broke, and with time to spare!
We were not two miles into our trip when... the "Check Engine" light came on.
vaklam turned us right around and took us back to the shop.
Dave got out his diagnostic device and asked the car's computer what the deal was.
The car's computer said: "Dude, like, I don't wanna harsh your vibe... but, like... your catalytic converter's gettin' kinda old. You oughta think about replacin' it someday."
Me: "What, you mean like now? Like it's getting ready to die on us RIGHT NOW?"
Car Computer: "No, Dude... like... someday."
Me: "..."
Me: "So, you mean you're warning us so we can-- what?-- start the process of thinking about replacing it... someday? Not, say, because it's going to cause MY ENGINE TO STOP RUNNING IN THE MIDDLE OF A HIGHWAY, OR SOMETHING?"
Car Computer: "Yeah, Dude... like, I don't wanna bring you down."
Luckily,vaklam convinced me that forcibly removing the "Check Engine" light with an icepick was in no way going to facilitate our trip home.
The "Check Engine" light in my car.
It never comes on when I need it. This is true for every car I have ever owned over the course of my life. My alternator dies! Does the "Check Engine" light come on before my car stops moving, on the middle of a strange highway, in a strange state, at night, in the rain? NO! My water pump ceases pumping! Does the "Check Engine" light see fit to alert me before I do lasting damage to my vehicle? NO!! My carburetor collapses into a singularity, sucking in all matter and energy within its event horizon in the process! Does the "Check Engine" light so much as flicker? NO!!!
And now, once again, my car-- a brand world-renowned for its reliability-- suddenly ceased running while traveling along a US highway at 60 miles per hour. Does the "Check Engine" light see fit to warn me that my engine (you know, that "Engine" thing, as in "Check Engine"?) was about to stop dead, before stranding us in the middle of rural Kentucky, well outside the AAA free-towing radius from our home?
Do I really have to tell you?
Fortunately, Billy the AAA Tow Truck Guy who came to our rescue was a knowledgeable resident of the area, and he towed us to an auto parts store with a mechanic who he assured us would fix us up quickly and at a fair price. Then he kindly dropped us off at a small local airport where we were able to rent a car and carry on our merry way without delaying our arrival at our destination by so much as an hour! It worked out really well, our trip was great, and we had a wonderful time, aided in no small part by the warm and fuzzy afterglow from the great luck and great kindnesses we experienced during our automotive mishap.
Sure enough, Dave the Auto Shop Guy was swift at the repair, and the cost was low enough to make our budget-crunched wallets do a little wallet dance around the store. We were on our way home, without going broke, and with time to spare!
We were not two miles into our trip when... the "Check Engine" light came on.
vaklam turned us right around and took us back to the shop.Dave got out his diagnostic device and asked the car's computer what the deal was.
The car's computer said: "Dude, like, I don't wanna harsh your vibe... but, like... your catalytic converter's gettin' kinda old. You oughta think about replacin' it someday."
Me: "What, you mean like now? Like it's getting ready to die on us RIGHT NOW?"
Car Computer: "No, Dude... like... someday."
Me: "..."
Me: "So, you mean you're warning us so we can-- what?-- start the process of thinking about replacing it... someday? Not, say, because it's going to cause MY ENGINE TO STOP RUNNING IN THE MIDDLE OF A HIGHWAY, OR SOMETHING?"
Car Computer: "Yeah, Dude... like, I don't wanna bring you down."
Luckily,
vaklam convinced me that forcibly removing the "Check Engine" light with an icepick was in no way going to facilitate our trip home.